The Old Fashioned Way (A Homespun Romance) Page 15

  "Of course not."

  "If you don't like it, I can take it back."

  Daniel might not want an imitation Tiffany lamp when he could afford the real thing.

  "I like it." Something about the way Daniel looked at her made Abby uneasy. "You're the expert. I'm looking forward to your help doing up the place. Will you have the time?"

  She couldn't refuse Daniel even if constant exposure to his presence increased her own pain.

  "I have the time," Abby said quietly. "I'm flattered you want my help with the house."

  "We're more alike than you know, so I trust whatever you'll do with it."

  We're more alike than you know.

  Abby ran a hand through her hair. A few minutes with Daniel was all it took to reduce her insides to slush.

  "It would be nice if you could have final approval on carpeting and curtains, though," she said. "These are the things one has to live with for a long time. It might be easier for you to work with an interior decorating firm in Los Angeles."

  That would save her the pain of having to meet him over and over again.

  Daniel looked surprised. "We can choose the curtains and carpets right here. Once escrow goes through on the house, I plan on spending all my weekends here. Sarah has offered me the use of the guest house till the house is ready."

  Abby couldn't suppress the spurt of irritation she felt. Gran never made anything easier.

  "Are you in a hurry to get back?" Daniel asked as Abby picked up her bag and dusted it off.

  "N...not really. I have an appointment with Mrs. G. at seven."

  "It’s only six. I won't keep you long. I want to show you something we didn't have time for the other day," Daniel unlocked and opened the patio door.

  Abby stepped outside. Two paths curved from the patio through a vast expanse of carefully cared for grass and trees. Daniel chose the one that disappeared to the rear of the yard. "This way."

  The path led past a carefully laid out kitchen garden now bare except for some overgrown herbs, and a little rock garden, over a wooden bridge. Where it stopped, the land sloped gently upwards for fifty yards. Steps made with railroad ties added to the charm of the natural surroundings.

  She wasn't quite sure whether it was the climb or the fact that halfway up Daniel had cupped her elbow, that made her so breathless.

  At the top of the steps, Daniel put an arm around Abby's shoulders. Quivering, she stepped away from his side and looked around. Her willpower was in danger of being shot to pieces. Below her she could see the rest of the city. All around towered the sides of the canyons that had given Carbon Canyon its name.

  "Look behind you."

  Abby turned and her breath caught in her throat. The sun was a sinking ball of vermilion, and the clouds in the sky reflected shades of color that defied the imagination of any human artist. Abby looked at the bare walls of the canyon. They seemed to be plated with copper.

  "It's beautiful." Abby wished words weren't so inadequate to express what she felt.

  "I climbed up here the first time I saw the house. As I stood and watched the sun go down, I felt I belonged here."

  Abby kept quiet. There was no reason for the place to tug at her heart this way.

  After a while Daniel said, "It’s the first time I've felt like this about a place since my parents died."

  She swallowed. He needed a place where he could put down roots.

  "It's how I feel about us as well, Abby. That we belong together."

  Abby turned to look at him as the color drained from her face. "Daniel I...I'm not ready to make a decision concerning us."

  "All I'm asking is that you give both of us a chance to let our feelings develop."

  "I can't afford to experiment."

  Once burnt, only a fool would risk getting close to fire again.

  "Are you scared that what we have might not last?"

  I'm scared that when it's over I won't be able to put myself back together again.

  The first time he'd seen the place Daniel had realized he wanted the house for all it represented. Home, wife, children.

  For years he had avoided thinking about it, but he couldn't avoid it any longer. Staying at the guest house he'd admitted work only filled emptiness temporarily. Family alone did a permanent job.

  He watched Abby open the car door. Daniel sighed. Telling Abby he wanted to share his life with her was a challenge he hadn't figured out how to deal with.

  When are you going to tell her how you feel, Hawthorn?

  In his seminars he had always said timing was important in business. Timing was even more important with Abby. He'd carefully calculated every business move he'd made, never doing anything that had less than ninety five percent chances of success attached to it. With Abby, he just couldn't tell what his chances of success were. One minute her kisses were driving him crazy, the next she was treating him as if he were a stranger. Daniel knew marriage scared her. She'd told him so herself. He had to broach the subject in a way that wouldn't scare her. A glance at Abby showed her staring at the house.

  Encouraged by the way she was looking at it, Daniel said, "Abby, I have something to ask you."

  Maybe the only mistake he was making with her was being too careful. Spontaneity might work better than anything else ever had.

  "Yes?"

  She turned to look at him and Daniel said in a rush, "Abby, would you like to live in this house with me?"

  The pounding of her heart convinced Abby she had heard right. Daniel was suggesting they move in together. It wasn't such a bad idea. In fact, it was considered quite normal these days for people in love. Only Daniel hadn't mentioned love.

  Was this one of his business decisions? Recalling what he had said once about careful evaluation of a project as well as a woman, Abby felt it must be.

  She was available. She wasn't a demanding type like Eve had been. It would be a very convenient arrangement. Daniel had forgotten one thing. Abby wasn't the type for such a cold blooded arrangement.

  "No." Her answer didn't need any elaboration. Abby wished she had never set eyes on Daniel Hawthorn.

  The abruptness of Abby's reply startled Daniel. She hadn't taken very long to consider what he'd said. He'd meant to lead up to the subject of marriage, but there was no point in it now. If there was one thing Abby knew, it was her own mind. To sound so definite, she must have thought about the subject and decided she didn't care for him after all.

  "I'm sorry I suggested it," he said stiffly.

  Later that night, Abby sat on the window seat, staring out. Her thoughts had been in turmoil since she had returned from her drive with Daniel.

  The question that went round and round in her head was, why he had asked her to move in with him.

  The answers that popped into Abby's mind hurt more than anything ever had before. Daniel, like any other normal healthy man, wanted a relationship. Only, in his case he wanted one without any entanglements.

  It was a modern notion, only she wasn't a modern woman. Not in that sense of the word. Gran and Gramps had raised her with values she couldn't discard at a moment's notice.

  Abby supposed if she considered Daniel's suggestion calmly, she would see it was a very practical arrangement. She wasn't interested in practical. She wanted moonlight and magic, tender promises and shared dreams. All the things that went hand in hand with loving someone.

  All the things that were out of her reach.

  "Do you have a cold?" Sarah asked Abby as soon as she went downstairs the next morning.

  "No," Abby shook her head. "My allergies are bothering me."

  "I see."

  Watching Gran at the toaster, Abby said, "Did Daniel mention when he was leaving?"

  Sarah swung around to look at her. "He's helping us with the catalog and he hasn't mentioned leaving. Why?"

  "I just wondered." Abby hoped her shrug looked casual enough. "He's hasn't got much vacation left. I'll see you later, Gran."

  When Agnes came in for
her breakfast, Sarah announced, "Abby's been crying. She asked when Daniel was leaving."

  On her way to the refrigerator, Agnes stopped and said, "All relationships have ups and downs. I think it's a good sign."

  Sarah buttered her toast and hoped in the future the good signs would be different. She couldn't bear to see Abby unhappy.

  Abby marched over to the guest house and knocked on the door. She wasn't going to be able to get a smidgen of work done till she'd settled what had happened yesterday with Daniel.

  He opened the door and his eyes widened. "Abby, come in."

  "Just for a minute."

  Daniel looked at her as she swept past him. He hadn't got much sleep last night. His mind had come with several new ways to approach Abby and discarded all of them.

  "I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday," Abby said. "I don't want anyone to guess something's wrong with us. For Gran's sake, as long as you're here, I'd like for us to carry on as usual."

  The hope that she'd reconsidered her decision faded.

  "Right," said Daniel.

  "There's no need for hurt feelings, is there?" Abby tried to inject reason into her voice. "I mean in your line of work, you're used to the fact that some of your business propositions don't work out. This is no different."

  What on earth did she mean? How could love and the rest of one's life be compared to a business proposition?

  "Let me explain...."

  "There's nothing between us, so there's nothing to explain." The small lie would stem off an avalanche of disaster. Explanations would only increase her pain.

  Daniel thrust his hands into the pockets of his pants. "Very well Abby, but this is the last time I'll bring it up. If you change your mind, the next move will have to come from you."

  "I'd better get back to work."

  Daniel kept his gaze fixed on the dogs in the yard. "I'll see you later, Abby."

  Daniel watched her leave. He understood why she had come here. Right from the start, Abby had made it very clear her grandmother mattered more to her than anyone else.

  The fact he had accepted everything she'd said, Abby told herself, as she walked back to the house, only proved Daniel didn't care one way or the other.

  In the course of the day, Daniel tried to figure out what he had done wrong to frighten Abby off. He went back over every incident since the day they had first met.

  "I'm going to New York tomorrow to meet with my editor," Daniel told Sarah later that day. "You don't need my help around here anymore. I'll be back to collect my things the end of the week, if you don't mind."

  "Of course I don't mind," Sarah said. "Leave Princess with us. She'll miss you, but being here will be better for her than being in a kennel in Los Angeles while you’re in New York."

  "Are you sure...?" Daniel was hesitant to impose on them.

  "Of course. And Daniel....?"

  "Yes?"

  "The fact we don't need your help any more doesn't mean we don't want you. You'll always be welcome here. Now, what shall I tell Abby?"

  Daniel had no message for Abby. "I'll be back by the end of the week."

  "Right. Do you need any help packing?"

  "No thanks." He could do that himself. What it seemed he couldn't do himself was figure Abby out.

  Beside him, he heard Sarah sigh. "You're a good man, Daniel. Just like my David. You'll find a way to get through to that granddaughter of mine."

  "I thought so too, until yesterday," said Daniel. "Now I don't know anymore."

  "Sometimes I think it's my fault. David and I brought Abby up to believe in marriage and happily-ever-after. That's one reason she married so young. She tried so hard to make it work. For a time she blamed herself for the fact things didn't work out."

  "I know."

  "To reach out again to something that's hurt you once takes tremendous courage."

  Daniel simply nodded. He couldn't tell Sarah that her granddaughter had decided never to try marriage again. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

  He wouldn't give up just yet.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Abby thought of Daniel all day. While she supervised the work on Mrs. G's house she analyzed her reasons for backing off from what she felt for Daniel.

  He hadn't exactly proposed to her. He had merely suggested they get to know each other better. She had reacted like a heroine in a gothic novel and had a fit of the vapors.

  The thought she'd lost him scared Abby more than anything else in the world.

  If buying herself protection against pain meant paying with loneliness, she didn't want any of that kind of insurance. Taking a chance with Daniel, even if he might discover he didn't feel anything for her, was better than existing in the emotional vacuum she had taken up residence in these past few years.

  She had to tell him she'd changed her mind, before he changed his.

  Knocking on the door of the guest house that evening, Abby realized Daniel's car wasn't in the car port beside the guest house. Reluctant to leave when she had just mustered all her courage to get to this point, Abby decided to go in and leave Daniel a note. He never locked the door. Turning the doorknob, Abby pushed it open. Her eyes narrowed as she took in the sight of the empty rooms. Every trace of Daniel's presence had vanished. Only the scent of the lemony aftershave he used hung tauntingly in the air.

  She had never felt so alone in her life. Abby ran a hand through her hair. She was too late.

  "Gran," Abby turned around, as Sarah entered the guest house with an armful of clean towels. "When did Daniel leave?'

  "This morning, but he left Princess here."

  As much as Abby liked Princess, the dog was no substitute for her owner.

  "He said he'd be back when his business in New York is finished."

  "I see." Taking the clean towels from Gran, Abby put them away in the chest of drawers.

  "He's left a contact number where we can reach him."

  The ball was definitely in her court. Abby hesitated. What could she say? Daniel, come back. I've decided to give our feelings a try. Daniel, I made a mistake. Give me another chance.

  Abby shook her head. "Thanks Gran. I'll think about it."

  Going up to her room she shut the door. Sitting down on the window seat she wrapped her hands around her knees. Daniel was dynamic and assertive...a man who believed in getting things done. Waiting around for a vacillating female wouldn't fit into his scheme of things.

  She had to get used to this new pain.

  In the week that followed Abby tried to fill the hours with work. Mrs. G's house was coming along better than Abby had dreamed. She had three other orders for small jobs, and a number of requests for estimates. There was plenty to do, but it wasn't enough to obliterate the loneliness.

  The Busy Bee was doing very well. The catalog was in place on their website and the trio were busy taking orders for new merchandise. As Mr. Hawkins said, they were as financially sound as a Swiss bank now.

  Abby spent a great deal of time in the evenings with Princess and Muffy. The former seemed to be taking Daniel's absence surprisingly well. Better than Abby was, at any rate.

  "I know you miss him even though you have Muffy," said Abby patting Princess' head while Muffy climbed into her lap and licked her chin. "I miss him too."

  She had never expected to feel this way. The yearning to see Daniel again cast a shadow over everything she did. If only she had agreed to what he'd said.

  Unexpectedly, Hamish came looking for her one evening as she sat on the front step of the guest house, gazing at the evening sky. It reminded her of the last sunset she'd watched with Daniel.

  "He did so much for us," Hamish said.

  "I know." She wouldn't be back on her feet professionally if it hadn't been for Daniel. The Busy Bee wouldn't still be here without his help. The list went on and on.

  "He's solid gold," Hamish added.

  Abby got the message. Daniel was a prince, and she was the fool who had refused to wake up when he had kiss
ed her.

  "Men don't always find it easy to express their feelings. They wait to get a sign from a woman. They almost have to be assured they won't be refused before they'll propose. It has something to do with our egos. A man who's been turned down once is worse than all the rest. He would almost need to be hit over the head with encouragement."

  Abby stared at Hamish. Hope was a tiny flicker in her heart. Daniel had talked of signals once too. She recalled what he had told her about Eve. The woman had called him cold. Surely Daniel didn't believe he was still incapable of loving anyone? Had he backed off because she hadn't sent the right signals? Excitement began to mount inside Abby at the possibility.

  "Daniel left something for you on his shelf."

  Abby walked over to the community room, her heart thudding. Shelves lined the wall in the area where Hamish held his classes. There, under a piece of cloth, was the odd shaped bird Daniel had worked on the past few weeks. Sanded and varnished, with black beads for eyes it looked more like a pregnant frog than a bird. Abby hugged it to her. Tears filled her eyes. Daniel couldn't have given her anything she liked more. Her fingers brushed against a piece of paper fixed to the frog's underside. Turning it over, Abby peeled off the tape that held the paper in place.

  Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

  Daniel's message reminded her of his insistence that she was beautiful. She had batted away his compliments, refused to believe in them.

  Going into the office, Abby sat down, still holding Daniel's gift. She had to get her courage together, find Daniel and tell him she would be willing to explore their new relationship. She had to be strong enough to realize that it might not amount to anything. Tough enough to withstand the pain that would result.

  Would it be worth the risk?

  "We are what we choose to believe we are, Abby."

  Daniel's words challenged her. What did she believe she was?

  I'm a survivor.

  Abby heard herself saying the words aloud. They were true. She'd survived a bad marriage, found the courage to put the pieces of her life back together. She’d taken a failing business and fought to place a foundation under it. Now she had decided that no matter what, she had to risk everything again.